


i can't make you love me

by angelsprunch



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 07:26:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13429812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsprunch/pseuds/angelsprunch
Summary: richie and eddie want to be in love





	i can't make you love me

**Author's Note:**

> i saw some uh things on my dash that i didn’t like and uh i thrive off of attention. i know reddie fics get the most attention around here so here’s my contribution

Eddie cried after his first kiss. It was something that he wanted to do, but he was so scared. Richie’s lips brushed against his and it didn’t last for more than a second before Eddie was pushing him away and mumbling about how wrong it was. Richie looked horrified as he adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose and put a cautious hand on Eddie’s arm. Eddie pushed his hand away and wiped at his eyes before any tears could escape. All Eddie could think about was how he needed to shower and possibly never see Richie again. He wanted to tell Richie to leave, but as he looked at the other boy’s face contorted with worry, the words died on his tongue. “I don’t want to do that.” he finally mumbled, eyes falling to his hands falling lamely in his lap.

 

“Is my kissing really that bad, Eds?” Richie tried to joke, but his heart wasn’t in it. There was a lump rising in his throat and Richie wasn’t sure if it was from embarrassment or what. All he knew was that Eddie looked distraught and now wasn’t the time for him to lose it, too. “Do you need your inhaler? What do you need, Eds?”

 

“Stop calling me that!” he nearly screeched, but Eddie quickly clamped his hands over his mouth when he remembered that his mother was snoozing in the chair downstairs. Richie bit his lip and Eddie got up on shaky legs. He felt like the room was spinning and had he actually been paying attention to his own body he would have noticed his ragged breaths. Still, he walked out of his room and into the bathroom where he searched for his inhaler. His mother cleaned the bathroom and kept it organized. Every night she’d find one of his two inhalers and set it on the shelf of the medicine cabinet. That was where Eddie found it and he took two puffs from it before he turned on the sink to splash some cold water on his face.

 

Sitting on Eddie’s unmade bed, Richie looked around the room and considered putting his shoes back on and walking out of the house. Surely Eddie didn’t want to see him, but he would feel like too much of an asshole if he left Eddie to cry in the bathroom all alone. With a heavy sigh, Richie stretched his arms over his head and got up from the bed. He leaned against the doorway of the bathroom and watched Eddie brushing his teeth for a moment before laughing under his breath. “Am I that gross?” he teased, but there was still a look of concern on his face. Richie was masking how he was feeling with jokes like usual, but this time Richie didn’t even know what he was really feeling.

 

“You’re not gross.”

 

“So you usually just brush your teeth at-- What time is it?” Richie asked, leaning in to peer at Eddie’s watch.

 

“That isn’t why I’m brushing my teeth, Rich.”

 

“Do I get to know why?”

 

Eddie was quiet for a moment and directed his attention back to the task at hand. Richie waited patiently while Eddie finished brushing his teeth and rinsed out his mouth. The two stood in silence for a few seconds before Eddie broke the silence. “I feel dirty for kissing a boy.”

 

“Any boy?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because it’s wrong!”

 

“Well, I’ve been wrong before. I’ll probably be wrong again. I do know, though, that it isn’t inherently wrong to kiss boys.”

 

“I didn’t know you knew what the word inherently meant.”

 

“Haystack taught me.” Richie teased and he pulled Eddie into a tight hug.

 

~~~

 

When no one else was around Richie and Eddie would scoot closer together and share a kiss or two. When they were with the other losers they would still make sure they were side by side. Neither boy bothered putting a label on this because the actions alone were enough to stress Eddie out. Oddly enough, though, it was Eddie that pushed for things to go further each time they were alone. Richie wouldn’t say he felt wrong when he was with Eddie. They were best friends after all and Richie loved being around all of his friends. Still, his actions felt forced and awkward with Eddie. On more than one occasion he’d pull away from kissing Eddie and start giggling because he just thought of the funniest joke. Richie never missed the relief that washed over Eddie’s face when Richie pulled away.

 

One day Eddie was sitting in Richie’s lap and he had slid Richie’s hands under the soft cotton of his shirt. Richie’s hands were big and clumsy on his skin and Eddie’s kisses were rushed and sloppy. Neither boy knew what he was doing but they were too embarrassed of their own lack of experience to address the other’s. It wasn’t until Eddie accidentally pulled on Richie’s hair that Richie leaned back and made a face. Eddie’s face was red with embarrassment and so was Richie’s. 

 

“I don’t like that.”

 

“Well, you keep scratching me. I don’t like that!”

 

“I don’t think you like any of this.”

 

Richie wasn’t sure that he liked any of it either, if he was being honest with himself. Eddie was cute, he told him every day. Richie loved pinching Eddie’s cheeks and telling him how cute he was. He loved coming up with nicknames for his best friend and watching as Eddie got mad at him. He knew that Eddie secretly loved the nicknames, but he wasn’t sure that Eddie loved all of this. He carefully withdrew his hands and leaned back on them. Eddie was looking down at him, but he wasn’t saying anything. His lower lips was between his teeth and Richie knew he was thinking hard about something. “Do you even like boys, Eds?”

 

That seemed to get a response because Eddie’s forehead creased and he nodded, quickly. Eddie climbed off of Richie’s lap and moved to lie down and rest his head on Richie’s thigh. Almost out of instinct, Richie moved to run his fingers through fluffy brown hair. “I like boys. I know that. I see how all of the other boys look at girls and I hear how they talk about them. I’m not interested in that. All I can ever think about is kissing Bi-- Boys. I always feel wrong when people ask me about dating girls because I know that isn’t for me.” he explained, looking at the popcorn ceiling of Richie’s bedroom. “You do know that people linked popcorn ceilings to lung cancer, right?”

 

Richie laughed softly when Eddie pointed out his ceiling and shrugged. “I already smoke. I think I’m going to get it either way, now.” he teased and Eddie sat up to look at Richie. His face was serious so Richie sat up straighter and focused his attention on Eddie. 

 

“I know I like boys. Do you like boys? I don’t want to be forcing you to do this stuff if you aren’t into it.” Eddie said. Everything about him was vulnerable and Richie stared for a moment before nodding. He knew that he liked boys, but he wasn’t sure if Eddie Kaspbrak fell under the category of boys that Richie wanted to kiss. Sure, Richie thought that Eddie was the cutest boy ever and he loved teasing him, but all of his feelings towards Eddie felt so innocent. Kissing Eddie felt wrong and Richie couldn’t figure out why exactly. Richie smiled weakly and leaned in to press a chaste kiss to Eddie’s lips.

 

“I like boys.”

 

~~~

 

There were other times that Richie and Eddie tried to prove that they liked each other. Neither boy was sure if they were trying to prove it to themselves or the other, but they tried nonetheless. There were countless nights full of sloppy kisses and awkward hands. They would bump their noses together or bite each other’s lips and most of the time they ended up nervously laughing until they fell asleep in each other’s arms. None of it felt right to Richie until they were falling asleep. Richie didn’t like kissing Eddie, he didn’t like having his hands wander underneath Eddie’s clothes. He did like holding Eddie and cuddling with him. He liked falling asleep with the weight of someone else in his bed.

 

Anytime that Eddie was being kissed by Richie, he tried to imagine that it was someone else kissing him. Someone that didn’t wear glasses. Someone with a particularly pouty face that was almost always decorated with bruises. It got to the point where Eddie would take Richie’s glasses off for him, insisting that he didn’t like how they pressed against his face. Eddie knew he should feel guilty for imagining that it was someone else kissing him, someone else touching him, but he didn’t. It wasn’t until they were drifting off to sleep in Richie’s room and arguing over which superheroes would beat who that Eddie could come back to reality with Richie. He was content with Richie’s arms around him and snuggling up to his best friend.

 

~~~

 

Richie saw the way Ben looked at Beverly and he knew that that was love. He studied the way Eddie watched him sometimes and he tried to figure out if love could manifest in different ways. It wasn’t until he saw Eddie watching Bill that he realized it could, but it still wasn’t him that Eddie was in love with. Richie assumed that he should be upset about this. His boyfriend was looking at another boy as if he put the stars in the sky, but Stanley was sitting beside him and he was talking about the state bird for Maine and Richie realized that it wouldn’t be fair for him to be upset with Eddie. “Are you sure the state bird isn’t Big Bird, Stan?”

 

“Richie I could kill you right now and there would be only six witnesses. I could buy them off with a really good meal.” Richie laughed and he rested his head on Stanley’s shoulder. He encouraged Stan to keep talking about birds and he watched as Eddie got up to sit between Bill and Beverly with a proud look on his face.

 

~~~

 

Eddie didn’t realize he was in love with Bill Denbrough until it was too late.

 

Richie always knew that he loved Stanley Uris, but he didn’t have the words for it until he read some of the poetry that Ben wrote for Beverly.

 

~~~

 

It was their junior year and Beverly was sitting on Ben’s lap. She had her forehead against Ben’s and the two were whispering to each other with the happiest smiles on their faces. Stan had told them that they were being too romantic and moved to the other side of the room and Mike had said that everyone needed to find a love like that. Mike’s eyes fell on Eddie and Richie who were sitting side by side and holding hands. He asked them how long they had been together and the two boys exchanged a look before shrugging. “Neither of us ever really kept track.” Richie admitted. The truth was that neither of them cared enough to keep track. It never felt real to them.

 

“It’s been about three years since we caught them kissing.” Stanley said from his spot on the couch. He had his feet propped up in Bill’s lap and Bill had his head resting on Mike’s shoulder. Mike nodded and glanced between Beverly and Ben who were whispering to each other before looking back at Eddie and Richie with a small frown. He opened his mouth to ask another question, but seemingly thought better of it.

 

“Bill, I’m going to go up to your room to find another movie to put on. I swear if I hear Ben use another fancy way to tell Beverly that she’s pretty I’m going to beep him.” Mike teased as he got up. Bill lifted his head slowly and nodded before he moved Stanley’s feet out of his lap to follow Mike upstairs to his room. Stanley watched them before shaking his head and getting up to go to the kitchen and grab a snack.

 

“I’m going out for a smoke.” Richie announced. He looked over at Beverly to see if she wanted to join him, but she seemingly didn’t hear him. Richie let go of Eddie’s hand and got up from his spot. He patted the pockets of his offensively colored windbreaker to make sure he had his lighter and pack of cigarettes before he headed towards the door. He hadn’t expected Eddie to follow him, but there he was sitting down on Bill’s front porch while Richie leaned against the railing.

 

“I’m glad Beverly realized how much Ben loved her. I’m glad that she feels the same way. It’s nice to see them so happy.” Eddie had said, picking at a loose thread on his jumper. Richie took a drag of his cigarette and nodded.

 

“Are we in love?” he asked after several minutes. Richie already knew the answer, but he had to hear it. He held the cigarette out over the railing in an attempt to keep the smoke away from Eddie when he turned to look down at the boy seated by his feet. 

 

Eddie was quiet for several moments. He looked out at the road and he thought about the question. The two had been together for over three years, if that’s what you’d call what they were. Every time Eddie was kissing Richie, he pretended that it was Bill’s chapped lips pressed up against his. Richie smelled of cigarettes and he tasted like candy. He tried to pretend it was Bill, but he had this nagging feeling that Bill tasted better than all the candy in the world. He knew it was wrong to dream about kissing someone else when he was being kissed by Richie. He couldn’t stop it, though. Bill Denbrough was always on his mind. Eddie was in love with Bill, but he was too scared to go after the person that he truly wanted. “Do you want to be in love?” Eddie finally asked, looking up at Richie through thick eyelashes.

 

Richie hadn’t expected the question to be turned on him. He flicked the butt of his cigarette out into the lawn and pulled out another one. It was hard to imagine that Eddie was Stanley when they were kissing. Stanley would probably laugh at how awkward and inexperienced Richie was. Sometimes he could hear Stan’s voice in his head and that’s what usually pulled him away from Eddie in a fit of giggles. Stan was taller than Eddie and he was thinner. Everything about Stan was cleaner, more organized. Stan always had his clothes crisp and he was dressed nicely. He’d never let Richie just throw his clothes anywhere or track mud into his room from sneaking into the window. Still, Richie tried to imagine that it was Stan’s body that he was exploring when Eddie pushed his hands under his shirt. “I do want to be in love, but I don’t think we’re in love.” he finally said, taking a drag of his cigarette and looking at the cars parked in Bill’s driveway.

 

“I think I am in love.” Eddie said, after a few moments. He stood up and pressed a gentle kiss to Richie’s cheek. Typically he would complain about the smell of the cigarette smoke, but he didn’t even pull out his inhaler when he got closer to it. “I just don’t think I’m in love with you, Rich.”

 

Richie smiled at Eddie and pinched his cheek with the hand that wasn’t holding a cigarette. “You don’t have to be in love with me, Eds. We’ll always be best friends.” he said before kissing the top of Eddie’s head. “I’m not in love with you either. Not in the way I should be.”

 

Looking up at the boy that had been called his boyfriend for the last three years, Eddie shook his head and laughed. “We’re a bunch of fools, aren’t we? We’ve been together for how long? And this whole time we’ve been pining for boys that we’ll probably never have?”

 

“I’ve always been a fool, Eds.”


End file.
